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Malthus my boy,
I admit that I myself was not privy to the extent of the work being done by our Propaganda Department in preparation for the contagion that is now gripping the minds of the human race. I should have by now received a promotion to a higher post wherein I would be informed of such information, but it seems that the petulant weasels on the Hiring Committee are unjust in their assessment of my skills. I…